At some point, most of us land in a place that doesn’t follow a script..
It’s not the thrilling start or the tidy conclusion - it’s the middle.
Where you’re raising kids and caring for ageing parents.
Managing deadlines and managing grief.
Catching moments of total joy in between laundry piles, GP visits, relationship worries, school WhatsApps (why are there SO many and why don’t they ever stop?!), and surprise curveballs life throws without warning.
This is the messy middle. And connection - real, meaningful, mutual connection - might just be the thing that saves us in it.
Sisterhood isn’t a luxury. It’s a lifeline.
In a world that keeps asking women to be everything to everyone, all while looking like they’re breezing through it, friendship becomes more than a nice-to-have. It’s essential.
As Donna Ashworth so beautifully puts it: “We are not supposed to do this alone.”
According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), women in the UK aged 35–54 are among the most time-poor demographic groups, reporting some of the lowest levels of leisure and self-care. Add to that the rise in midlife burnout, peri, caregiving demands, financial pressure, and invisible emotional labour, and it’s no surprise that friendships often fall to the bottom of the list.
But the irony? It’s exactly when life gets this full, this complex, this overwhelming, that we need our people the most.
Why connection matters (like, physiologically matters)
Research from Harvard’s 85-year Study of Adult Development - the longest-running study on happiness - found that the quality of our relationships is the strongest predictor of long-term health and wellbeing. Not career success. Not income. Not diet. Connection.
Other studies show:
- Strong social ties can increase longevity by 50% (equivalent to quitting smoking).
- Women with close female friendships are better protected against stress, anxiety and depression.
- Oxytocin, the “tend and befriend” hormone released during meaningful connection, plays a key role in emotional regulation, recovery and resilience.
And while wellness apps and supplements have their place, a heartfelt voice note from your best mate might do more to soothe your nervous system than anything else in the moment.
Popular culture knows it, too.
From Sex and the City to Fleabag, Motherland to This Is Going to Hurt, UK audiences love stories that reflect the chaos, comedy and deep complexity of adult friendship.
These aren’t polished portrayals; they’re real, flawed, often ridiculous relationships that remind us of our own WhatsApp threads: full of emojis, missed calls, truth bombs, unhinged rants and love.
Because the best friendships aren’t the ones that always show up on time. They’re the ones that show up when it counts.
So how do we nurture connection… without adding to the to-do list?
Let’s be real - no one needs another thing on their plate. So here are a few ways to gently foster closeness that feel like care, not obligation:
1. Lower the bar, not the love.
Not every catch-up needs to be a three-hour brunch. Invite someone over for 30 minutes and instant coffee. Drop off a treat with a note. Send a 20-second voice note.
2. Say what you mean, even if it’s awkward.
Try: “I miss you.” “I know we’ve both been underwater, but I’m here.” “Can we do a low-energy hang? No expectations, just company.”
“I know you’re totally flat out, so some food will arrive at your door later this week - don’t cook!”
3. Build rituals, not just plans.
The same Thursday walk. A monthly dinner club. A group chat where you actually tell each other when you’re struggling - not just share memes (although, yes, those too - and often please).
4. Gift with meaning.
Sometimes a thoughtful parcel is the best stand-in when presence isn’t possible. Something that says, I see what you’re going through. I’ve got you.
(That’s the whole point of We are The Helpful — to make this easier.)
5. Start with one.
One person. One message. One tiny reconnection. It doesn’t have to be all your people at once. Start small. Start now.
We don’t need to have it all together. Just each other.
If you’re somewhere in that in-between, not broken, not thriving, just… navigating stage…you’re not alone.
The messy middle can be beautiful in its own right. It’s where the truest friendships are forged and deepened.
Where sisterhood gets deeper, quieter, more sacred.
Where laughter lives right next to tears.
So let’s not underestimate what it means to show up, even imperfectly. Let’s celebrate the friends who just get it. And let’s make space for each other - in big ways, and beautifully small ones.
“There is nothing more powerful than a woman who chooses to show up - for herself, for others, for love.” — Donna Ashworth
P.S.
Want to send a little something that says I’ve got you without needing the right words?
Explore our She Needs Edit — gifts and small gestures designed to support, celebrate, and say: I see you.
Kate x
