As we navigate the ever-changing landscape of modern life, one thing stays constant – the power of sisterhood to uplift, inspire, and sustain us through life's myriad of moments, both big and small.

From the depths of heart-to-heart conversations over a cup of coffee to the 8 minute rambling voice notes and exhilarating highs of dancing under the stars until the early hours, our inner circle, the ones we love the most provide a sanctuary in which we can truly be ourselves. 

But what does it take to build and nurture an inner circle? And why is it so vital that we do? 

Research suggests that just three to five close in-it-for-life friendships are all we need to live a happy, satisfied existence. Of course, we know many more people, some of whom we may even consider ‘good’ friends, but there are certain characteristics which distinguish good, from best: 

• Being there for each other when life gets hard.
• Always having your back no matter what.
• Loving you even at your worst. 

By the time we reach our 40’s, we average 30 odd years of friendship with each person, with hopefully many more to come. It pays to put the time in, which we absolutely must do to get here. 

A study commissioned for Fishermen’s Friends estimates you need to invest 34 hours (or 11, three hour interactions) in a person to evolve the relationship from a superficial acquaintance to a casual friendship, within a period of six months. 

To form a close friendship, it takes over 200 hours.

They need to be nurtured too. Once established, close friendships need about an hour a week (or nine minutes of connection a day) to be sustained. 

But we do it, or try to, because intrinsically, we know they matter. 

As Robin Dunbar, BA PhD DSc (Hons), Emeritus Professor of Evolutionary Psychology at the University of Oxford, shares: “Friendships are the single most important factor influencing both our psychological and our physical health and wellbeing.”

And whether you put it down to nature (women release more oxytocin than men, encouraging us to seek connection in stressful times) or nurture (the differences in how boys and girls are socialised in early years), it’s clear that women tend to value and reap the rewards of close friendships far more so than men.

In essence, female friendships are the cornerstone of our emotional well-being, providing us with a sense of grounding and stability in an often tumultuous world, a lifeline that sustains us through life's triumphs and tribulations. But there’s a science to it too. 

When we share how we’re feeling and talk openly about the hard times we’re experiencing, we’re better able to process what’s going on, and less likely to internalise it, which, according to Bella Grossman, PhD, a clinical psychologist “helps reduce the negative impact of a chronic stressor". 

In fact, Research from UCLA suggests that women who lean on their female friends during stressful times may live longer than those who don't.

The exchange of vulnerability in turn strengthens our bonds, reinforcing the support and connection felt within the entire group. 

It’s not just in times of need having a tight-knit inner circle benefits us though, they actively contribute to life’s ups, too. A study found that women with a strong circle of 2-3 friends in leadership positions were 2.5 times more successful in terms of their own position and salary than those who didn’t. 

Unlike the rallying cry to ‘Lean in’, it seems that leaning out, or more specifically leaning on others enables women with a stronger circle of friends to seek the mentorship and guidance needed to climb the career ladder. 

But it’s the day to day, the moments, messiness, and meltdowns in between the milestones that we believe the inner circle really matters. 

In an age where technology often serves as a barrier to genuine human connection, female friendships offer a beacon of hope, reminding us of the profound beauty of face-to-face interaction and the simple pleasure of being truly seen and heard.

The meme sent by your bestie that has you howling at 10am on a Monday morning.

Opening the door to a delivery of pre-cooked, healthy kids meals instead of a congratulatory bouquet because they know that, as excited as you are, you’re worried about how to make this new routine work for your family.

Checking in with the ones you love in the days, weeks and months after the consolatory flowers have wilted, because you know it's not during the event, but after (or sometimes before) that they’ll need you the most.

It’s the 8 minute voice notes, the ‘I-just-need-to-rant’ texts, wise words shared just when you need to hear them, sometimes it’s when no words are spoken at all. 

These. These are the moments only the people you love the most, the 3-5 in-it-for-lifers, could evoke.

It’s within our inner circles that we find the strength to face whatever challenges may come our way and the joy to savour life's most precious moments to the fullest.

Whether we are celebrating promotions, navigating the complexities of relationships, or weathering the storms of loss and heartache, our friends are there, it’s within these sacred spaces that we find solace, laughter, and the unwavering support of those who know us best. 

So, here’s to the Inner Circle, ours, and yours.

Because we’re in it together, always. 

Links:

• https://rtc.london/making-friends/
• https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2021/04/deep-friendships-aristotle/618529/
• https://72point.news/case-study-evite#:~:text=Difficulty%20Making%20Friends,three%20'friends%20for%20life
• https://thewell.northwell.edu/womens-health/importance-of-female-friendships#:~:text=Research%20from%20UCLA%20suggests%20that,than%20those%20without%20close%20friendships.
• https://www.pnas.org/doi/10.1073/pnas.1721438116
• https://www.researchgate.net/publication/340529777_Friendships_Subjective_Age_and_Life_Satisfaction_of_Women_in_Midlife