“More time / Less guilt”.  

An intimate share of an unexpected overseas move and what those closest did to show up and support when it was truly needed.

When I consider the power of positive thinking, this beautiful human comes to my mind; Viv and I met just over two years ago, when my young family and I relocated from Australia to Edinburgh for my husband’s job, which incidentally is how we’re connected. While I was packing up our life in Brisbane, Viv tracked down my number, introduced herself and set about settling us into her hometown.

Here we sit down to talk about her own unexpected experience of swapping the city she and her children grew up in for Japan, and most importantly, what got her through it.

“Moving overseas was very much not on the radar”, was one of Viv’s, a Mindset Coach, first statements. 

But within only a couple of weeks, the move was very much on the radar and plans were being made to move the family abroad.  And quickly. 

“It was a literal case of closing down our life in Edinburgh and setting up our life in Japan - all at once”, says Viv.  Sounds stressful.  And busy.  And according to Viv, it was. 

Juggling the kids’ school, finishing work, feeding a family, cleaning a house, packing up 14 years of memories, organising all the administration that comes with an overseas move and navigating the heartache of goodbyes was intense.  And with an existing battle with clinical anxiety lurking, this move sent it into overdrive “I hardly slept in those six weeks” Viv tells me.   

“And because you are the source of confidence in the decision for the rest of your family, you can’t show it.  In fact, you have to find the strength to go the other way and convince your kids that it’s going to be great”. 

“You know me” continues Viv, “I believe in positive talk, but when you’re constantly trying to get everyone excited when you’re actually completely drained, it’s a lot”. 

“It’s also so sad. Sad to say goodbye to the people you love the most, to the life you’ve built, your safety net”. 

But what really struck me as she spoke was a sense of guilt. Guilt that she didn’t have the time she needed to properly see and say goodbye to everyone in her life.  Guilt over whether moving to Japan was the right decision for the kids.  Guilt at leaving her Father and beloved family dog. 

I realised that this feeling of guilt isn’t unique to just Viv, I think it’s something that we all feel; we’re juggling everything all the time, trying to do the very best we can for those all around us.  And when someone in our family isn’t feeling great, we really take that onboard and oftentimes, blame ourselves.  That’s a lot to carry. 

So, what was it that really helped? 

Viv was lucky enough to have her inner circle physically around her, and there was no shortage of offers to help.  But the question was, how? What’s often hard about these times is that it can feel vulnerable, overwhelming or even embarrassing to ask for help, or to meet those offers of help with acceptance. 

But as Viv so beautifully put it, “it’s times like this when the ones who are closest really shine - they tend to know exactly what you need.” 

Deliveries of pre-made meals literally brought Viv to tears, “this was just so amazing - getting given meals was one less thing that I had to do, and I knew that my kids were being fed nourishing, healthy food”.  Practical help like trips to the tip, cleaning and trips to charity shops was also incredible.  Anything that took an item off the list and gave Viv more time.

Then there’s the emotional side.  Making time to see and say goodbye to everyone can be tough, especially when everything’s moving so fast.  It’s about squeezing the most you can out of the time you have.  Like planning catch ups while you’re walking the dog, or brief goodbyes at the school gate.  It’s not because you don’t want to see everyone properly, it’s because you just can’t.  “I was brought to tears again when two friendship circles got together and planned a surprise farewell, so I got to see all the girls at once”.  

For Viv it was help, not stuff, that made the difference.

By her own admission, Viv’s practice of positivity has been put to the test, especially in the first couple of weeks. After the whirlwind of packing up life in Edinburgh, she was met with the next task of adjusting to life a foreign country, by all accounts it was a total culture shock.  But I’m happy to report that the move went well, the family are settled, along with Viv’s positivity, and new adventures beckon.